Are you eating too much or too little?

 

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My doctor told me I have an eating disorder. She said, whenever I am sad or anxious, I overeat. I paid her R 2,000 to tell me something I already knew. If I opened a packet of chips or other snacks, I finished it, even if I was full to the point where I knew I would puke. (This had nothing to do with Lays’ tagline ‘No one can eat just one’)

 

But she did not know was that I had been to the other extreme as well.

I was 17. My friends used to ‘jokingly’ call me an elephant. I used to think that I was the ugly duckling who would never grow up to become the swan. I participated and won debate competitions and dance competitions, I was on top of my class and yet nothing mattered. I could never look at myself lovingly.

I was a fairly good student; I was top of my class, I participated and won several debate and dance competitions. Yet, nothing mattered. I could never look at myself lovingly.

I needed to lose weight, I decided. Continue reading

I saw a shimmering light

‘Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim,
I had to stop for the night.
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
‘This could be heaven or this could be Hell’
Then she lit up the candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say…

No points for guessing the song.

The daily prompt was ‘Shimmering‘ and this is the first thing that came to my head.

This song is very special for me. I think this was among the first few English songs I had memorised when I came to college. Everyone around me used to sing the song and go on and on about how beautifully the lyrics had been written. I sang along but failed to understand how a hotel commercial was deep and meaningful.

And, it wasn’t even that great — they did not have a wine since 1969! Continue reading

3… 2… 1 … Procrastinate!

 

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I could have been as rich as Bill Gates or as famous as Beyonce or as intelligent as Terence Tao (I swear I did not google the most intelligent person on Earth). I could have been if only I put in a little more effort.

I am a procrastinator. If something can be done tomorrow, I will do it day after. I get an adrenaline rush when I submit my assignment just a minute before the deadline. And, no it wasn’t a lengthy assignment, I was just busy binge watching some show probably. Or even reading a history textbook (unless, it was a history assignment, in that case, I would go for the physics book probably.)

Instead of getting up and going for a jog, I spend hours procrastinating watching videos on how not to procrastinate (I really need to find a synonym. This text is procrastination heavy). Continue reading

I just decided to be happy

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You have to choose to be happy. Image Courtesy: https://pbs.twimg.com/

What does it take to be happy? This is a question many of us keep asking ourselves, especially the ones who are trapped in a cycle of dark thoughts within the mind.

 

Is it love? If so, then the first step is to define love. What do we need from our partner? What are we willing to give to the relationship? What sacrifices are we ready to make? Will we be able to make them as happy as they make us?

Or, does the answer lie in success? If so, what is that goal that will make us feel that we have succeeded in life? Do we want to be known long after we are gone? Do we need appreciation from our peers? Or, does validation from our parents define success for us? Continue reading

Always Keep Fighting #AKF

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Someone I have never met or known of cared about what was going on in my head.

The only thing bringing us together was a television series ‘Supernatural’. Jared Padalecki, the lead actor of the show, started the ‘Always Keep Fighting’ campaign in 2015 after he came out about his struggles with depression. Continue reading

A recipe for disaster

Salad
Image Courtesy: janecartersolution.com

Will I ever get married? Will I ever be able to give it all to a person?

 

Whenever I ask myself these questions, the answer that comes to mind is ‘No’. And, it is not for the lack of trying.

I have had three long-term relations, where the men used to dote on me and take care of me (most of the times anyway), even though I was never able to articulate what I wanted or needed from the relationship. And, one day, just like that, something in me would snap and I would stop looking at them lovingly. Then, it was a downhill journey.

Of the three, I cheated on two because I did not have the courage to go up to them and say ‘I think this is over’. And even after my transgressions, the both loved me so much that they were willing to take me back. But, I did not feel loved, I felt stuck. Continue reading

A cup of coffee and my laptop @ Bengaluru

 

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Image courtesy: ak9.picdn.net

The moment I stepped out of the airport, I felt a cool breeze blowing through my hair; and even though the day was sunny; I could hardly feel the heat. I was wearing a blazer and cruising through Bangalore. (Or Bengaluru, as it is now called.) In Delhi, I had left my house at 04:00 in the morning and by the time I boarded the flight at 06:30, I was sweating. And, I was in a sleeve-less t-shirt! Continue reading