Losing myself

Losing myself
Image courtesy: fineartamerica.com

I always thought of myself as the spontaneous fun-loving girl, who is never averse to trying out anything. That is how I came to define myself when I first stepped out of my home and discovered “me”. But, when I look at myself now, I am not the same anymore.

Over the years, as I grew in my profession and in my responsibilities, bit by bit the rut of the daily chipped away at what I thought I was. Now, I see a person who is nothing like that definition. I see a person who is constantly bothered by deadlines, more work to do, a procrastinator even when it comes to activities that she enjoys like going out dancing, and generally moody and sad. And, just thinking about trying something new usually ends up in an anxiety attack or tears. Continue reading


Why so serious?

Image courtesy: herosadvocacygroup.com

One day, she woke up late. It was already a bad morning. On top of that, there was no water. There hadn’t been for two days. Everything was scattered around. There were hundreds of things going on in her mind and each of them more frustrating than other. She just couldn’t stop thinking. Her brain was in an overdrive and it wanted her to feel miserable. It made her already bad morning, lousy.

And, then she noticed that all the clothes that she had sorted out the day before had been messed up again. She blasted out; started screaming and shouting, and throwing things around. Continue reading

The weight loss game: quick update

As I had mentioned in my previous blog, I am trying to lose weight. Again.

It has been almost a month, so I thought it was time for a quick update. (Also, because I did not have any other ideas for a blog post and I do want to keep updating the blog regularly.)

So here goes….

I have not really been able to follow through with a strict workout schedule. (I always think it is because of my work, but maybe it is because I sleep late after watching Netflix. I got a new 43 inch TV, and it’s awesome!) Continue reading

Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired

Do you think you are aware? And, no I don’t mean general awareness about what is going on in the world and what was Trump’s latest goof up. I mean awareness within you.

Photo Credit: Herb.co

“What is awareness?” someone asked.

The guru replied, “Awareness is eating when you are hungry, sleeping when you are tired.”

I recently heard this on an app I downloaded to learn mindful meditation. (Calm and Headspace are two brilliant apps. Try it out.) Continue reading

And, the weight loss game again

Elevated low section view of woman standing on weighing scales

Six years ago, I put on a backless dress for the first time and all I could think about was that I looked amazing. I had lost a ton of weight and my back look almost perfect.

I felt sexy. I could put on shorts and a skimpy top and not keep thinking about the flabs that might show.

(Yes, yes, I still felt conscious because others were slimmer or kept track of their meals better. But, now that I think of it, that was the time when I was the fittest. Dancing three to fours hours a day can do that to you!) Continue reading


nostalgia 2It was 9 o’clock at night. I was alone, walking on somewhat familiar roads, randomly stopping at storefronts and smiling to myself. Others might have thought I was crazy, but I was in my own world. I was reminiscing.

I wanted to go to the burger joint where I had had a mean chilly beef burger three years ago (Sad luck! It had shut a year ago). I wanted to go the bar whose name I did not remember but which would serve girls drinks in the restaurant area because the bar could be “dangerous”. I went to the restaurant I frequented with my ‘mallu’ friend just to have the perfect Kerala meal. (I strongly recommend their meals and appam-chicken stew.)

It had been three years since I left the city where I did my post-graduation. Continue reading