I had written it a while back, but being the procrastinator I am, I did not post it. It was topical then. I hope you still understand what I want to say.
She had ordered a 1lt-Long Island Ice Tea. She was a little more than tipsy when he was dropping her off. “Do you want to have some pancakes?” she offered. He had said earlier that he was hungry. Besides, the batter was already done; it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle, she thought.
She was 23. He was 45 (maybe, she wasn’t sure. He looked older).
He was standing behind her when she was cooking. He was looking at the pancakes over her shoulder and he leaned in.
He caressed her neck and planted a kiss. He turned her around and started kissing her.
She did not say anything. The pancakes started burning.
She was not in the condition to do anything. She was drunk, operating on auto-pilot.
She woke up. She was on top of him.
“How could this be happening. I respect him and think of him as a father-figure,” she thought to herself. She said nothing to him. He climaxed and fell on top of her. He had a wife and a son, she knew.
“Have you done this before? Had sex with others?” she finally asked. “Yes,” he said.
“How does that even work?”
“She sort of knows, although I haven’t told her. We haven’t been the same for a long time now,” he replied.
She turned around and slept off.
Next morning they acted as if nothing had happened and went about their normal routines.
What should she have done differently? Maybe, she shouldn’t have had so much alcohol. But she trusted him to drop her home safely. Should she have screamed or lashed out when she came to? But they were already in the middle of it. It was already done. Had she led him on? How could she? Just the thought of what had happened made her sick; she thought of him as a father-figure!
She never asked herself, at what point should he have stopped? Should he have even made a move considering their ages? Should he have even taken her up on the offer of the pancakes, knowing that she was drunk out of her mind?
Consent – an easy word, a very difficult concept.
Over the years, she kept thinking to herself, was it rape? Technically, she had never said ‘no’ even after she came to her senses. She kept meeting the man socially, not knowing what to do or what to say.
Men usually take this to be implied consent and leave the women feeling responsible, feeling guilty.
And, when the women are in their senses, if they have reached the point of touching each other and removing clothes, she would not back down, no matter how repulsive she finds it. Remember ‘Cat Person’? The story by American author Kristen Roupenian that appeared in the New Yorker.
Well, women usually feel what Margot did. After having insisted that they go back to his place, how could she say no? Most women feel that they owe men sex. Most cannot respect their own reasonable boundaries.
That’s what leads to bad sex. (This blog post was written in response. Do read it, it is very well written.)