Last week I was down with the seasonal flu. And, the highlight was that I lost 4 kgs!
Yes, I watch my weight (and see the scales not moving an inch) every morning. I am very conscious about my body. And, there are reasons.
My weight is a public spectacle. Everyone feels comfortable walking up to me and telling me how I have gained a lot of weight in the last two years, or how they have tried a new diet that really seems to work or to simply tell me that I should avoid the samosas being served with the tea.
“You know the <insert any name> bhaiiya was telling me how you have put on a lot of weight. So, I thought I should tell you that you must work on losing it now,” my boss told me one day. This was without me inviting her to comment on my weight. She also suggested a diet that had worked for her.
Then there was the time when I went to meet a professional contact and he said, “Madam, apne toh weight put on kar liya hai (Madam, you have put on weight).” And, a while later said whether I wanted any snack because I might be on a diet.
Imagine someone coming up to you and telling you that your dress is too revealing and you must not wear it. Feminists around the world would immediately tell the person off and tell them that everyone has the right to wear whatever they want.
But, don’t women also have the right to weigh whatever they want?
Why do they have to buy a set of scales and use it every single day to make themselves feel bad about their body? Why is there so much pressure to look a certain way? And, does anyone stop to think what an off-hand comment might do to a person’s self-esteem?
Weight is a touchy subject for me.
Three years ago I could fit into a size ‘S’ t-shirt and look great in it. This was years and years after being called fatso and elephant. I was very proud. Yet, I was not satisfied. I wanted to lose more weight because that seemed to be the goal of everyone around me. Together we would monitor each others’ diet and exercise in the morning. And, people could see the benefits of it.
And, it worked. People could see the difference.
But, even then, I was not confident about my body. It was much later, when I gained back all the weight I had lost and some more, that I realised that being beautiful had nothing to do with what I saw on my weighing scale. I realised that it was my attitude and the way I carried myself that mattered more.
But I still struggle with my body image
Even though I have realised that weight is not everything and that I look good whenever I make the effort to dress up and put on a bit of makeup, I still feel conscious about my weight. I do check it every morning. And, when I wear a tight fitting t-shirt, I am always looking out for my tummy bulge. I avoid wearing my favourite pink dress because it makes my arms look fat.
I check my weight every morning as soon as I wake up. And, when I wear a tight fitting t-shirt, I always keep a lookout for the tummy bulge and love handles. I avoid wearing my favourite pink dress because it makes my arms look fat. Whenever I take pictures with friends, I pose at an angle to look slimmer.
I still want to lose weight, but not because others tell me to. I want to do it because I feel good every time I wake up in the morning and exercise. I feel happy and content for the entire day when I do yoga. I feel light and energetic when I follow a good diet.