It is important to take decisions. Even if it is something as trivial as choosing whether you want tender coconut or papaya-pineapple ice-cream. (People from Mumbai, Pune and Delhi will immediately know which ice-cream parlour I am talking about: p) BTW, it’s tender coconut, it’s always tender coconut.
You need to decide for yourself whether you like the pretty-boy next door who doesn’t understand why you want sex work to be decriminalised or the intelligent one who keeps you on the look-out for a prettier face? (I just need to ask here, do good-looking men, with a great sense of humour, understanding of the issues you feel for even exist? Or, are they like dragons — wonderful, but mythical?) Do you want to get married to a man your mother chooses for you or remain single and then maybe regret it when you are fifty?
Or, do you really want to wear that pink dress, which makes your arm look like the club carried by Bamm Bamm from ‘The Flintstones’?
Be it trivial or life-altering decisions, I have learned that you should make them yourself, even if you later regret it. It is always better than fuming over something that someone else chose for you.
I have always been the meek little girl standing in the corner, just saying yes to whatever the popular kids decided. It took a lot of time and courage for me to finally tell people what I thought and felt. And, it is still difficult. I try to run away at every chance I get.
I have slept with other men and then confessed to my boyfriends, just because I could not tell them that it was over when it was. And, even after confessing, I tried to tell them how it was never my fault and how they should always look at the positive side of me.
You know why this happened? It happened because I wanted them, no, needed them to make decisions for me.
I could not even decide whether I wanted to have dal-roti or pizza for dinner. Or whether I hated corn.
A couple of months back when I was travelling with my friends, I was forced to take some decisions when they were confused. And, I did it quick. I thought of the pros and cons in my head, weighed what should be and is more important for me, and made the decision, just like that.
It was so liberating to not have to wait for someone else to step in and make decisions for me. I realised I could just live my life on my own. And, as I said, I thought I was invincible (although, with the help of some hash).
And, it is important to stick to your decisions once you make them. (I really do have a trouble doing this…)